The Great Debate - Hostess v. Drake's
Now we all know we are pretty much a country divided down the middle. Republicans and Democrats, Pro-War, Anti-War, Yankees, Red Sox, the list can go on and on.What I realized last night is that this same debate goes on between what I like to call The Snack Cake Wars. Sure, we don't think about this too much anymore with everyone on their Atkins or North Beach or Men's Fitness, Self Magazine diet/weight training regimen. But no one can deny that craving every now and again for a tasty snack cake.
For some that craving lies with the likes of indomitable figures likeTwinkie the Kid or Captain Cup Cake from Hostess, whilst others swing to the annoying dark side of those shoddily packaged tin foil wrapped Ring Dings, Yodels, and, the worst, Devil Dogs from Drake's (yes their website sucks)
You see where I am coming from. I am a man who is not afraid to eat a Sno-Ball, a conglomeration of sugar after sugar that you lose two teeth by just eating one. I am not afraid to admit that I signed this petition to bring Chocodiles back to the East Coast.
So the question is, where are you going to stand in this equation. The decision is sometimes compared to the importance of nominating Supreme Court Justices. It is just a matter of morals and decency that we stand for what is right in this country, a good piece of sponge cake with granular cream in it with a shelf life of 100 years.
The Schwizz's Top 5 Hostess Products
5) Sno-Balls
4) Suzy Q's
3) Golden Cupcakes - yellow cake with chocolate icing and filling? Genius!
2) Twinkies - The Kid, nuff said
1) Chocodiles - they only sell them west of the Mississippi now, because of lack of east coast consumer demand
Just remember on thing in this battle of baked goods. Hostess was so much better than Drake's that Drake's parent company, Interstate Bakeries bought Hostess in 1995.
The Schwizz
posted by The Schwizz @ 11:39 AM
15 Comments:
Great post. Dude, as you know, I am a Hostess man through and through. Here's my top 5:
1. Twinkies
2. Orange Cupcakes (the shizzle, don't even start with me)
3. Choco-diles (I signed the petition too)
4. Drake's Coffee Cake (I'll give Drake's the nod on this one)
5. King Dons (discontinued by Hostess, I believe)
By the way, please allow me to ramble on about the 5 WORST snack cakes:
1. Devil Dogs (literally resemble two diarrhea clumps wrapped in cellophane)
2. Ring Dings (just like a hockey puck dipped in chocolate, but heavier and without the nutritional value)
3. Fruit pies (the cherry ones taste ok, but swimming in lard)
4. Funny Bones (Why Funny Bones? Peanut butter should not be part of the equation - your classic snack cake should consist of chocolate, cake, and cream. That's all)
5. Sno Balls (Sorry Schwizz. These are vile. Coconut, like peanut butter, has no place here)
great post!
The only item on Toasty Joe's list of "worst snack cakes" that deserves to be there are devil dogs. Everything else is awesome. I mean, come on, FRUIT PIES??!!! Those are awesome! They single handedly were responsible for the 10 extra pounds I gained after discovering pot in 10th grade.
Next time I go to LA, I am smuggling a truckload of Choco-diles ala "Smokey and the Bandit"
East bound and down, loaded up and truckin'
We gonna do what they say can't be done
So you're saying you LIKE Funny Bones? Next thing you're gonna tell me is you like Zingers (which I inexplicably left off my earlier "worst" list).
Dom's top 5:
1. Funny Bones (mmmmm, peanut butter-like substance), poo on the previous posters.
2. Chocodiles (basically the same thing, different creamy goo)
3. Hostess Chocolate Cupcakes (the frosting was the best, the cake was simply foreplay tho)
4. King Dons (my childhood nickname was Donny, so this applied)
5. Drake's coffee cakes, toasted, with butter on top.
I say, Give me a yodel and a ring ding, and there is nothing I cannot do.
Might as well throw in a fruit pie too.
Mmmmmm...floor pie.
Alright, I will give it up for the Coffee Cakes, I mean the globs of brown sugar and a perfect moist cake always was a good thing. I just can't bring myself to agree with Funny Bones though. It's like a bad peanut butter Twix
D, let me get this straight: you ADDED butter to the Drake's cakes? That's like pouring sugar on a bowl of Frankenberry.
An un-sung hero of the snack cake world is the butterscotch krimpet, from tasty-kake. Excellent.
http://www.tastykake.com/ProductLanding.aspx?PostingID=52&ChannelID=73
ahhh TastyKake...the red headed stepchild of the snack cake world. i mean so ghetto they just put one line of whit icing on their chocolate cupcakes instead of the sweet lasso motif on hostess'.
TastyKakes from the Wawa remind me of hungover Saturday mornings on the Jersey Shore. The other thing that brings back the memories of hungover weekend mornings is a giant hero from that deli in Quogue. The Bellybuster!
Oh, and those extra 10 pounds are awesome. Don't make me do the truffle shuffle on your ass.
Correction: The East Quogue Hog. Devlin was known to eat one of those and drink a 16 ounce coffee before our 21 mile rides on saturday mornings. I think it was 3-4 eggs, some combination of breakfast meats, and cheese on a hoagie roll. Mmm, mmm good.
Speaking of Devil Dogs, did anyone ever notice that the chocolate sandwich part of them have a kind of "skin" that you can peel off? Revolting.
Tastykake is no redheaded stepchild. Tastykake is the full-blooded blond brother. The KoffeeKakes are the most superb snack creations in existance, and the Krumpets are a close second, followed by the cupcakes (with a milk chocolate frosting that is vastly preferable to Hostess).
And if one must have a fruit pie, then it should be Drake's and preferably cooked in lard.
Yay Wawa.
Please be advised that I have added some interesting names to the Choco-diles petition.
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